RANDOM RAMBLINGS OF THE MUSICAL MIND

Rocket Surgery – Brain Recording

Jun 22, 2010 brother! AMEN!
Posted by JohnHampton

I woke up this morning with a brutal pain in my lower abdomen. I am the apex of pain wimps. If I step on an acorn with bare feet, you can hear me for miles..

Quick flashback to my tenth grade Biology class (Claire, Kathie, Hea …HEATHER! Whoa!) … my mind’s eye sadly moved off the chicks and on to that chart of (Inside) “The Human Anatomy”, which I had seen every day of the 10th grade year. The chart … I touched my hipbone to get the relationship to the “mind chart”. Over about 3 inches to the left, then down … 3 … 6 …SEVEN! YOW!! Seven inches!! Holy veriform, Batman! That’s my APPENDIX! I’m in trouble. I’ve heard if that sucker blows it’s “The Big Countdown”. Better call someone and get to a doc PRONTO.

A couple doors down, my buddy, Rocket ( we all called him that) was getting ready for something really big, too. He told me that his band, Even Steven, was going to start on their first record the next morning. When I asked him where he was doing it, instead of hearing the expected studio name, he said something about their live sound guy who just got all this … stuff. Laptop, software, a microphone set from Mattel … you know, STUFF! So now he’s producing records. (Huh? I never knew the dude could spell producing!)

Now look; I really like Rocket a lot, and sometimes I feel like I have got to show him every little (or BIG) pothole in the road he should avoid. In fact, it was during that very conversation two nights ago that I had felt the first twinge of this time-bomb in my lower right. When it became obvious that he wasn’t listening anymore, I just said ‘Good luck’, figuring I had said all I could without holding his hand.

I mean, COME ON! Thirty-plus years of making little records and big records, I feel I must know at least the basics of how to make a record, right? And today, these are shark-infested waters. But his pal apparently knew it all … and then some. Plus ☞ I needed to lay down; I was in serious pain (at least for me).

I knew I was probably about to have a life-changing event; under an anesthetic and a knife. And Rocket was about to have a life-changing event, too.

I received the following eMail in one of those mass mailings which was uncannily relevant to both of our situations. If the author of this fine piece of mass eMail wants, I’ll give you 100% of the credit and whatever I make from it. Oh, and thanks. The eMail really opened my eyes … and I hope it helps more “Rockets” out there:

DO BRAIN SURGERY AT HOME FOR FUN AND PROFIT!

I‘m not very technical but I just love doing brain surgery. I couldn’t see wasting all that time to get an undergraduate degree in science, then wasting four more years in medical school and another three or so as a resident, but I’m sure that I can make up for the deficit with my enthusiasm and my love of brain surgery.First of all, you really don’t need to be in a big fancy building, like a hospital. I use my ping-pong table in the basement to do my surgery. (I do throw a plastic sheet over it to preserve the paint). By doing it at home, I save on rent! I admit that sometimes the neighbors complain about the occasional screams that they hear, especially late at night. So I nailed some egg cartons to the walls.

Next thing is the equipment. They have all of that shiny stuff in the operating room and believe me, you don’t really need it. I equipped my Operating Room at my local dollar store. In the hardware department, pick up a hack saw. This is very handy for cutting off the top of the skull. If you want to get fancy, pick up a cross-cut saw, for emergencies. A good claw hammer is handy for removing any extra bone that you missed with the saws.

Move on to the housewares department. Here, for a dollar, you can get a whole set of steak knives. These are very sharp and they are good for the detailed work. For the rough work–get a bread knife. In the sewing department, you can pick up a sewing kit with all kinds of needles and different colored threads. This is handy for sewing the scalp back in place. You can also get a set of three different-sized scissors. Sometimes they come in handy. There! For 7 to 8 bucks, you can completely equip your operating room.

On TV, you see the operating room full of assistants. This is a total waste of space. If you really watch them, they are all just standing around doing nothing. In my home operating room, I have eliminated all of these unnecessary people. I do, however, engage the family dog to sit under my operating table to clean up the scraps.

You see how simple it is to do brain surgery at home? Anyone with a love of brain surgery can do it. I never read Grey’s Anatomy, although I did see a copy once. Very nice pictures but half of it was in Latin. Who wants to bother with all that! If you really want to be a brain surgeon, all you need is the desire and enthusiasm.

My prices are very reasonable since I don’t have all that stupid overhead.

ANYONE NEED TO HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR REMOVED? CALL ME. BR-54BRAIN

Next question! … and AMEN!

Tags: Cons of home recording, Grammy, Home Recording, Home Studio, Home Surgery, John Hampton, Pros & Cons of Home Studios, Pros of home recording, Rocket, thrift