A buddy and I were always working on studio problems together. But we didn’t call it “collaborating … we called it by the acronym THABTO. Two Heads Are Better Than One. THABTO. Simple, right? Well, we collaborated on coming up with that name.

You see, no two people think EXACTLY alike. I may be a bit stronger in the physical, scientific side of it while a good collaborator would be the one with common sense. On our own, we couldn’t get it. But together, we could get everything. And on something that takes long term planning … say, writing a book … I will write until I’m just running out of creativity, then lateral it off to Mr. THABTO for a few weeks. When I got it back, his imagination fired mine right back up and I would go again for na few weeks, then back to him. Over and over this scene repeated until we had the work of a genius on our hands, when actually neither one of us individually was even a near genius material.

Think back. Leiber and Stoller. Karen and Richard Carpenter.Jesse and Robin from Gin Blossoms. JOHN AND PAUL . The Coen Brothers. Sid and Nancy (Sid and Nancy??)

You must admit. By himself, John Lennon had an edge. Brought up like he was, he had plenty to give him that edge. But to many it was just a bit too much reality. Too acetic. Enter Paul McCartney. Alone, he was just a bit too “sweet”, if I may. (Too much honey gluts the stomach) Too much acid BURNS the stomach. BUT … together, for many years, each tempered the other, and the result was exactly what the mainstream music listeners wanted. And neither self-destructed, like many solo artists are prone to do after awhile. Doug Hopkins from Gin Blossoms. Kurt Cobain. That nutty Beck is a definite exception. But typo many times, the BEST music comes from collaboration. Just like “O’ Brother Where art Thou?” is a mind-melding from the Coen Brothers.

And you know what? Since everyone gets a recording studio in their laptop or whatever, collaboration has gone down the tubes. Not only that, but the “Musical Masturbation” that goes on in these self-imposed music prisons has given us nothing but SHIT! (But there are always exceptions)

John and Yoko, Bogie and Bacall, Hanna and Barbera, Simon and Garfunkel, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Missy Elliott and Timbaland… the list is MILES long.

Why is it … that every single time a new technology (iPhone, iPad, iBulb, iWish) is introduced, we, “John Q. Public and Co., LTD. LLC”, welcome it with almost frenzied anticipation. We never think about even thinking about the repercussions it could wreak on society … or if it’s REALLY going to make life easier and/or better. Here’s a story from the London Telegraph dated June, 2011, that states that the new, hotter than sunburn “green” CFL light bulbs, the ones that are going to replace the lame, 1000-year-old, stupid, (-but-proven) bulbs … can release cancer causing … stuff. Now THAT’s progress; a giant leap toward technical excellence; a nightmarish technical PICNIC!!! Real, live, no-joke scientists, after a wagonload of studying the curly little rat inside and out, say the bulbs should never be near your head or left on!! I have one in my shower that’s been on 24/7 for over a year as my night light. But our prez sez, energy costs are going to “necessarily skyrocket”, so the CFL looks like the perfect answer! Right? Sure…. IF YOU DON’T MIND KIDS WITH 3 OR 4 EYES, OR ELEVEN THUMBS! We truly are The Apex of Thought if we move forward with this one.

See for yourself, if it’s still in the archives…..

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8462626/Energy-saving-light-bulbs-contain-cancer-causing-chemicals.html

But any new technology is going to have some “bugs” to work out before it’s really consumer-ready. I got a new MacBook recently and once I was over how really cool it looked, I noticed a not so funny anomaly …  if I touched it anywhere on it’s chassis while my other hand was operating the trackpad, out of nowhere …BOOM! I’m in a chat-room for one legged Tango dancers!

The 1995 Chevy Blazer had over 500 “Engineering Change Orders” (fixes) between 1985 and 1986.

Now the younger crowd is making a run on turntables. And USB turntables. I understood the whole turntable run when CDs first appeared AND players were finally under $200. It was then that many college radio stations had so much money tied up in vinyl, they bought one or two more lest the things “disappear” overnight. And they simply couldn’t afford a new CD to replace every vinyl LP, not to mention that at the time, every record ever made was NOT on CD also.

Case 1:Now here’s the odd part-and the crux of this second piece concerning vinyl records: We are still going through a run on turntables. Today! But now, EVERYTHING IS available in the digital format; whether a CD or a download that, to many ears, is the same “fidelity” as a CD. So why all the turntables? Well, I’ll tell you why, sonny. The average record buyer has lived with the (sub-standard) sound quality of a CD long enough to notice a difference between the CD and vinyl! Many of you have never heard a vinyl record! “But Hampton, I think CDs sound great!” And then they “prove” it by playing a great recording of a great song written by a great artist! LOUDLY! A record made by great musical minds will sound good on a laptop with toilet paper in your ears!! And/or LOUD!

An audiologist (one that studies sound) will tell you that you can “hear” from 20Hz (Hz = Hertz, the number of vibrations per second something makes, to about 20,000Hz. 20 Hz is low, low bass, like the sound of fireworks when they launch. Or when the ones with no color sparkle … just flash, then 4 or 5 seconds later …. BOOM! 20Hz! That low sound that literally moves you;  it moves your butt out of your chair when you’re in a good theater playing “Avatar”, and that first shuttle is landing. Or the volcano erupts from the La Brea Tarpits in downtown L.A. 20,000Hz is the high, high stuff like metal on metal; a cymbal crash or breaking glass contain 20,000Hz. Anything above that is what makes your dog’s head tilt to one side. Yes, there ARE vibrations up there, but our cilia in our ears are too coarse to wobble that fast. So, CD regulators made a specification that if sound higher than 22,050Hz gets recorded, an electronic circuit enters the picture and acts like a sound-cop. “STOP! If you are higher than 22,050 vibrations per second, you will NOT be included on this CD. So just go back to your cars before I turn you into distortion!” But this isn’t a bad circuit. It CAN’T be. Because it’s … a newer, better technology. Better than vinyl anyway. Right?

Well, maybe not. Scientists in Japan are now discovering that the brain reacts to sounds well above that 22,050 Hz, where whales communicate and Cicada carry on primal conversation. Even dogs hear things that we “can’t”. Or can we? Neve asks, “How do these ultra-high frequencies get inyo our nervous system? We are beginning to think it could be through the skin. Perhaps even through the etes.

Case 2: Geoff Emerick, Rupert Neve and a dodgy anecdote re module #12

Nece designs the best audio consoles around. Well, he and Peter Gabriel, the owner of Solid State Logic, another fine British console, or “desk” as the Brits call them. Rupert would drop in on Geoff every now and then just to chat it up a bit, as well as ask him how his Neve desk was behaving. Rupert noticed once that the console went from 1 to 11, then 32, then 13-31. And the module #12 was all the way at the end. When grilled about it, Emerick’s reply was simply ” I can’t really say, Rupert. I just don’t like the way that module sounds”. When Mr. Neve asked if he could take #12 to his shop and look it over, Geoff was fine with it. “I won’t be using it”.

So at the plant, Rupert had his tech team run distortion tests, intermodulation tests, frequency response test (Hz) from 20 to 25, 000 Hz. and they found absolutely nothing amiss. On a whim, Rupert got them to run a frequency response test all the way to 100,000Hz! And to their amazement, they noticed it had a rise in volume around 56,000Hz! Meaning it was adding it’s own color to the sound. But wait … if we can’t hear past 21,000Hz, what difference would a rise at 56,000 make? Neve asked his guys to find out why the rise, and they found a transformer with a 100 ohm* termination instead of 1000 ohms*. They corrected the problem, and ran the test again. Perfect. Coloration gone. He had returned the module to a state of high fidelity, or “Hi-Fi” (highly faithful reproduction of the original sound), which was always the goal. Rupert had one of the guys return the now faithful module back to Emerick.

When he dropped in on Geoff after that, the console was numbered “10,11,12,13,” ad numerum. When Geoff took a break, Rupert asked him if the module sounded better to him now. Geoff responded by asking,”You saw it’s back where it belongs, didn’t you?” ‘Nuff said. But then again, it opens an entirely new door in the study of audiology.

This story is one that Rupert Neve related at a SPARS** luncheon meet-and-greet a few years ago in New York at an AES*** convention. So what does it all mean? It means that a CD or a digital download do NOT contain all of the sound that the music is putting out there. There are frequencies well above that 22,050Hz “brick-wall” in every CD player on the planet that removes a part of the musical experience. But vinyl records can get a lot closer to “Perf-Fi” (Perfect Fidelity) if you are listening through great speakers, with a good stylus on the “tone arm”. Did you know there are styli that can reproduce up to 60,000Hz? And speakers that will reproduce well into the 30,000Hz range. Well, guess what else? ANALOG TAPE will record and reproduce up toward 50,000Hz. So…

If analog tape can record it, and vinyl can reproduce it, why in the world are we giving in to the sub-par CD, that abruptly cuts off audio that is very much a part of our everyday, especially our music? If you are one that believes music is a spiritual entity, would YOU like to see God as you understand him (or don’t) walking around on crutches?

I DOUBT YOU WOULD INTENTIONALLY CRIPPLE A SPIRITUAL ENTITY, WOULD YOU?

Whew! Now THAT got deep. ………. Next question

*- An ohm is a measure of resistance to electronic current flow.
**-The Society of Professional Audio Recording Studios
***-Audio Engineering Society

HEY MIKEY! LOOK!! IT’S RUPERT NEVE!

I’ve got a couple of writings (blogs,globs… yeah, globs!) a coming right behind this, where we’ll have a chat about why CDs really DO suck and why herds of people going back to vinyl are NOT just taking part in this week’s flavor… this ain’t no Hula-Hoop, gents and ladies. This is a perceptible reality that makes your listening experience with vinyl records (let’s just call ‘em records) a more rewarding event than the same occurrence with CDs. But do you know why you are noticing it NOW for the first time? It’s simple: we have finally become so used to CDs as the norm that a more true to life sonic event is really obvious. So I guess you are wondering how I came to this,. right?  It all started with a chat from a Mr. Rupert Neve, the most well known name in audio science, at a speech he gave at a SPARS luncheon several years ago. It so enrapt me that I believe I still remember every word. And if you don’t know whop Rupert Neve is, you are either very young or very uneducated. He lives in Wimberly. Texas.

Wimberly Texas. Why, there’s Wimberly now!!

I just can NOT think of a better place to invent audio gear.

Mr Neve is a British chap who knows his circuitry, and has an uncanny way of bringing that circuitry to the sound of the music that he loves.R’s (I call him R) life’s goal has been to get the sound of music (yes, he’s bringing Mary Poppins) that you hear from electronics as close to the sound you hear in those two ear holes on either side of your head as he possibly can. Oh, It’s a breeze. Couple of tubes, a bias oscillation transistor, throw in a couple of variable capacitors … you’re DONE!  The stuff he designs and bnuilds is in such high demand, and was constructed so well (until a BIG MEAN GERMAN company bought him out), that audio people have seareched high and low for his older equipment, but the new is just as good. And he seems to be taking his newer gear more toward that “live in the audience” sound. Portico, for example. And Rupert loves analog(ue) and vinyl, and hates CDs. Why? Read on.

Now if doing a bit of comprehensive reading isn’t exactly your thing, as mine is not, we can always start with Dr. Seuss…Hampton style.

If a train is moving toward you, the sound of the horn is slightly higher in pitch  to you than it is to the engineer. That’s called a “Doppler pitch shif”t. And as it passes, then moves away from you, there’s a split second that the same two pitches are the same pitch., then you hear it bend down to become LOWER in pitch as it moves away from you. This doppler pitch shift is also observed when one looks at a star. Ifit looks bluish, it is higher than normal becauseit is moving toward you. Same with a pinkish or reddish color. Those stars are lower in pitch and are moving away from you. THAT … is why I say Dr. Suess, Hampton style. I wrote a book once called”One Fish, Two Fish …Red Shift Blue Shift”, a book for four year olds to start to understand how we can actually, by plotting the direction of all of the stars in the universe, eventually arrive at the precise point of the “Big Bang”. It’s in the children’s book section at Barnes and Noble, and if they’ve run out at Amazon, they’ll restock soon. Get one and read it to your 4-year old. Next … Why vinyl … AGAIN?

Yes, you in the red rubber suit …

So it’s all in a big, weird state of flux, or rather flux NOT. But some things are moving forward; DAMN the torpedos. Like music technology, computer technology, ANY technology. And like I’ve said, it’s not a nice, straight line of advancement like it has been since the dawn of time. Instead of people designing “stuff”, people are designing computers that design “stuff”. Some computers are designing other computers that design “stuff” to make computers that design “stuff” better. What used to be a linear progress is becoming asymptotic, or exponential progress. ( Hint: These are words that are getting more and more airplay as time moves on.)

As technology marches blindly on, music technology marches with it. Save for one tiny difference. It seems as if the sonic part of music technology is going backwards as it marches … forward? Honestly! Imagine this: From the 1940s until the late eighties, recording to analog, magnetic tape was … well, it’s how it was done. The most popular means of recording music now is almost like it’s always been, except the advancement of the technology allows for cheaper microphones, less than high-fidelity processing, you know. . . junk. But it is by no means ALL junk. Some things cut through the sea of junk and make it to shore, and we find that it’s a really fantastic breakthrough. Let’s look at the most cutting edge breakthrough of them all: the recording medium. By today’s standards, the first digital (not analog) recording medium  was crap when compared to analog tape pressed onto good, virgin vinyl … at least to my two earholes. Call me nuts. But if I’m nuts, you’ve got to tell Jack White he’s nuts, too … (all if his THIRD MAN Records releases are vinyl.) And Ozzie (?), The Black Keys, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, The Black Crowes … about 99% of “ear-havers” on the planet. But not many will argue against the latest version of ProTools, easily the most used recording platform in the world. And now, you may, if you wish, mimic the sound of analog tape on each and every ProTools track!

But why in the world would the most popular digital recording medium in the world go to these kind of lengths to NOT SOUND DIGITAL? WHY? Thirty years of developing digital just to end up where we started? I don’t get it. Unless …

Unless it’s an admission that the pro-vinyl folks are right, and analog tape sounds better than digital no matter how much technology you put behind it. I say … not exactly. At least that’s not the whole story.

If you are a bad musician, and I include a voice as an instrument, you will NEVER be good. Never. Go back to school. But if you are a fair musician, ProTools can make you a better musician. But, go back to school anyway. We are already awash in mediocrity without your adding to the party! But if you are a pretty good musician, hang on to that tuition cash for a minute. Because ProTools MIGHT help you be good. And from good, it’s possible (possible) that you can get to great. Save for one caveat. There could be one teeny-weeny . problem with using it a lot. Live performance. Because ProTools 9 is out, and it’s one step closer to Photoshop for music.

There’s a feature in there (in ProTools) that can make your drummer steadier than he really is. DRAG. CLICK.  The world famous “Auto-Tune®” (now it’s “Melodyne®”) will make your out of tune singing on key. SHIFT DOUBLE-CLICK. Having a bit of trouble deciding when your equametric-paralyzer (tone) is helping,  or your compressor (dynamic range) is hurting? No worries, mate!. It can make those decisions for you.There are lots of presets that were dialed up by the smart guys who know all about it, because most read the old manuals! And lose that cheap guitar sound in a flash because there are plenty of pre-set amplifiers in there, too. From settings The Beatles dialed up, to Carlos Santana, and everything in between! If you keep running out of air because the key of the song never got a second thought, just sing one good chorus, and paste it in to all of the chori! If your drummer can’t get off work, Apple will give you some great drum parts, thanks to Apple Loops®! Yes, it’s a wanna-be’s dream come true. Now you can make a record all by your little lonesome, in your bedroom, after work (when you’re half beat and your girlfriend is getting real bored watching you indulge yourself.)  And when (if) that little jewel is all done,  just show it off on MySpace®, and maybe you can even get iTunes® or  uTones© to sell it. I can see the headlines now: AVERAGE LOCAL MUSICIAN DOES FAIR; SELLS MANY RECORDS ON WEBSITE! Mirabili dictu! Will miracles never cease? (This is one miracle that I often pray … will.)

I mean, why take all the time needed to deliver a touching, inspired, bring-’em-to-the-edge-of-tears-type vocal performance that has the power to change lives, … when you can just slack your way through one half-fast performance, then use the recorder like the coolest video game ever made … for a week? And speaking of inspired, I can tell you for sure that inspiration is hard to pull off even in the best of recording studios, if you have no feedback. How do you do it in your room, at night, after work, with your bored girlfriend trying to watch “Jersey Girls”? Or say that you are Mr. Virtuoso … don’t you need some kind of feedback? The word we are missing here is collaboration. Don’t you need someone to bounce ideas off of, like a band mate, or a producer, or even the engineer … (if you’re wise enough to hire a professional to help) Some sort of collaboration? Remember John and Paul, and then John or Paul? Was each alone really as good as both of them, together, swapping ideas?

Finally, notice that as technology shares in it’s breakthroughs, it begins to grow beyond our wildest dreams. And as the artist isolates more, adrift in that technology, music that warms the soul seems to become quieter, harder to hear.

Maybe it’s disappearing … just as fast as the Flat-tongued Rainbow-Snail Hairless Marmot.

I kept up with the band through every part of their meteoric careers, buying everything they released in America. And then later, and into my twenties, I discovered the stores in New York where you could buy British releases of stuff never released state-side. I found a way to keep up with them after they had disbanded. But when I began the recording studio part of my life, I noticed from reading the inside of Anthology 1 that their “team” wasn’t even mentioned on the records; the team of people putting that music together. I mean surely the band didn’t just walk ino any recording studio in the world, running around plugging in microphones, bringing orchestras in and telling them what to do! And SURELY they weren’t the only ones who, after making these gems, sat behind the recording equipment and put the final balance on all of these guitars and French Horns and vocals and miscellaneous cacophony. Nope, it wasn’t them. But it was a team … that was dedicated to seeing that their artistic vision made it safely into my hands, as un-altered as possible. There was George Martin, their “producer”, whatever that meant. And at first,  the “engineer” was Norman Smith. But toward the end of recording their ear-turning Revolver record,  Norman moved on to produce Pink Floyd, and Geoff Emerick, became the guy sitting alongside Martin in the control room. My older sister was staying in tune with The Beach Boys, who were going through their own metamorphasis with their acclaimed Pet Sounds record as both bands went through the white-hot phases of their careers. It was kind of like Pet Sounds vs. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. And because of the subtle rivalry for the ultimate recording, records became so … so really interesting. I preferred the British slant, like I Am the Walrus … Strawberry Fields Forever … Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds … what exactly WAS this new sonic safari all about? cTomorrow Never Knows was the first song by The Beatles where I  heard a distinct difference between the happy, shiny Beatles, and the new, cerebrally cool Beatles. Radically different. But what was making it so different out of the clear blue?

I believe that answer to be two-fold.

#1 drugs… Lucy inthe Sky w/Diamonds

And #2… Geoff Emerick

Every other part of the team was the same. Geoff was the force that fulfilled John Lennon’s request of matching up one version of Strawberry Fields with another. The two versions had been recorded weeks apart at two different tempos , and in two different keys! It seems Lennon loved the end product after weeks of working out every nuance he wanted … but he still loved the beginning of the very first “potential” keeper. So Geoff, in a single, magical, musical moment, refusing to say it couldn’t be done, found a way to turn the edit between the two versions into a legendary artistic moment. A moment most engineers wouldn’t have even thought of. Geoff was brilliant. He made it work. (The edit occurs at exactly 1:00, on the word “going” in the phrase “’cause I’m going to … Strawberry Fields”) Click the title Strawberry Fields Forever

I had the pleasure (along with about twenty others) of having dinner one night with Geoff and his co-writer Howard Massey when they were in town promoting Geoff’s book,  Here, There, and Everywhere-My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles. (whew!) Rather than hit him with questions he heard all the time and probably hated down inside by now, I just sat there soaking up his presence and listening to his stories that were not in the book. He was brought to town for a presentation of the book, and some previously unheard music, by the Memphis NARAS chapter… the Grammy folks. I had become so infatuated with the man and his outlook on the subject of records and music and the Beatles, that now the book is in my stable of “READ OFTEN”, alongside Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged”, Plato’s Republic (which shold be re-titled “Plato’s and Socrates’ Feudalism”), MAD Magazines (about a hundred) and the original screenplay for Hampton Fancher’s “Bladerunner“. Now Geoff’s book. And every day, I discover ways that he and I have many similar viewpoints; he captures the ARTIST’s vision, by finding new and interesting ways to do whatever it takes to bring that vision to fruition. And he sees a clear cut line between engineering and producing, where most (myself included, at first) engineers see a blur and try to get into production eventually, if they can handle that hot seat.
Geoff, if you read this, I am only one of millions of fans who truly appreciate your views since I, too, have been there. Oh, and Geoff …  I regret Yoko’s ubiquitousness as much as you. As do many. But then again, you were sooo lucky to get that gig. Swine …

Next Question …

Nile Rodgers was producing and I was all set up. Stevie and Rene Martinez (his guitar Tech and an excellent flamenco style player himself) were first, coming around a stylish 1:30. Jimmie was right behind them. Larry Aberman and Al Berry, drums and bass respectively, were setting up along with Rich Hilton, Nile’s “Do Anything” man.

Nile’s super-stylin’ 5:30 arrival could have been even later, had he not promised some magazine writer a “quickie” phone interview. And being the official recording engineer for these now infamous sessions, that meant phone interviews, too. As Nile talked record production with the interviewer,  he said something I didn’t understand … yet. This was 1990. And it took about ten years for it to soak in, but I eventually got it.
He said, “A producer’s job, really, is organizing the mistakes.”

Now it’s some time in 2003. And Jimmie is making his first solo record for CBS. It was during the first few days of his record that I discovered that Jimmie Vaughan is probably the hardest person on the planet to satisfy when it comes to getting “his” sound. And being the “NEVER give up” producer that I have become, I just won’t bail on pursuing that sound. We’ve talked about it in a language that only he and I understand. And we’ve driven around Austin for HOURS listening to this artist and that artist, from Johnny Guitar Watson to Blind Lemon Pledge, from noon to midnight …

But once you’re in the studio with a million ideas, it’s time to put the concepts to the test. And I’m coming up short on the intangible sound. But what is slowly coming into view as a bigger picture is that Jimmie Vaughan on his records is not a man singing and playing a guitar, Jimmie Vaughan is a really a conversation between a man and his guitar. When I finally saw that “big picture”, it was time to figure out how capture it.

I had two microphones I had planned on using. One on the amp, one for Jimmie to sing in. (Keep it stupid, simple.) First he wanted to re-do some guitar on the tracks we had finished the day before, so I got up a guitar sound and, as I expected, he didn’t like it. But as he played, I accidentally shoved up the volume on his vocal mike, which was across the room. Oh, if you could have seen our faces! His guitar through that amp IN THAT ROOM sounded like a million bucks. And as luck(?) would have it, adding that vocal mike meant all we needed … was a vocalist! These 2 microphones could now record the “conversation”.

This type of situation comes up in recording studios all the time. A guitar player gets lost reading a chord chart and plays a wrong chord at the chorus. The resulting chord could never have been calculated, even by Einstein, but it’s a magical chord that the song has been calling for.

A girl leading the other background singers brings them in 8 beats early. That little “mistake” fits so well that it becomes  the “hook” of the song.

An accidentally erased guitar part calls for a re-do. The new solo becomes the central theme of the song, which becomes a huge hit, and a theme for an insurance company’s ad that’s all over television. What would have happened to that band if the original guitar solo hadn’t been accidentally erased?

You know? Just writing this little blurb has made me want to go and tell four musicians to play four separate pieces of music at the same tempo and see what we come up with. Now the big question … should they all play in the same key?

Toots in Memphis is a record I had the honor of working on with Jim Dickinson that reeks of “Ja” … the idol of the Rasta way. Toots Hibbert and “the Maytalls” (what the heck is a Maytall?) were part of a huge onslaught of Reggae music that included Marley, Yellowman, … you know … REGGAE MUSIC! Sly Dunbar tells the tale of the birth of the art-form. The popular reggae feel apparently was the result of poor radio reception of Miami pop music radio. Over distance, the lower part of the bandwidth, THE BASS, is the first to go away in that poor reception. Which translates to the snare drum, or “back beat” is the main rhythmic component that comes across. I know this may be a little hard to follow, but in the simplest terms, any music that has equal force 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4 …. comes through as _-2-_-4_-2-_-4. It’s the main rhythm of reggae music. Now that may not be accidental, but it certainly was influential.

The spirit of music has always been a little magical to me, and the “accidents” are actually not accidents at all. They are simply a spirit that some hear, and others don’t. And to me, that is the difference between the artist and the non-artist. It weaves itself around the senses that make a painter, an architect, or a musician able to see what others want to experience.

next question…

Quick flashback to my tenth grade Biology class (Claire, Kathie, Hea …HEATHER! Whoa!) … my mind’s eye sadly moved off the chicks and on to that chart of (Inside) “The Human Anatomy”, which I had seen every day of the 10th grade year. The chart … I touched my hipbone to get the relationship to the “mind chart”. Over about 3 inches to the left, then down … 3 … 6 …SEVEN! YOW!! Seven inches!! Holy veriform, Batman! That’s my APPENDIX! I’m in trouble. I’ve heard if that sucker blows it’s “The Big Countdown”. Better call someone and get to a doc PRONTO.

A couple doors down, my buddy, Rocket ( we all called him that) was getting ready for something really big, too. He told me that his band, Even Steven, was going to start on their first record the next morning. When I asked him where he was doing it, instead of hearing the expected studio name, he said something about their live sound guy who just got all this … stuff. Laptop, software, a microphone set from Mattel … you know, STUFF! So now he’s producing records. (Huh? I never knew the dude could spell producing!)

Now look; I really like Rocket a lot, and sometimes I feel like I have got to show him every little (or BIG) pothole in the road he should avoid. In fact, it was during that very conversation two nights ago that I had felt the first twinge of this time-bomb in my lower right. When it became obvious that he wasn’t listening anymore, I just said ‘Good luck’, figuring I had said all I could without holding his hand.

I mean, COME ON! Thirty-plus years of making little records and big records, I feel I must know at least the basics of how to make a record, right? And today, these are shark-infested waters. But his pal apparently knew it all … and then some. Plus ☞ I needed to lay down; I was in serious pain (at least for me).

I knew I was probably about to have a life-changing event; under an anesthetic and a knife. And Rocket was about to have a life-changing event, too.

I received the following eMail in one of those mass mailings which was uncannily relevant to both of our situations. If the author of this fine piece of mass eMail wants, I’ll give you 100% of the credit and whatever I make from it. Oh, and thanks. The eMail really opened my eyes … and I hope it helps more “Rockets” out there:

DO BRAIN SURGERY AT HOME FOR FUN AND PROFIT!

I‘m not very technical but I just love doing brain surgery. I couldn’t see wasting all that time to get an undergraduate degree in science, then wasting four more years in medical school and another three or so as a resident, but I’m sure that I can make up for the deficit with my enthusiasm and my love of brain surgery.First of all, you really don’t need to be in a big fancy building, like a hospital. I use my ping-pong table in the basement to do my surgery. (I do throw a plastic sheet over it to preserve the paint). By doing it at home, I save on rent! I admit that sometimes the neighbors complain about the occasional screams that they hear, especially late at night. So I nailed some egg cartons to the walls.

Next thing is the equipment. They have all of that shiny stuff in the operating room and believe me, you don’t really need it. I equipped my Operating Room at my local dollar store. In the hardware department, pick up a hack saw. This is very handy for cutting off the top of the skull. If you want to get fancy, pick up a cross-cut saw, for emergencies. A good claw hammer is handy for removing any extra bone that you missed with the saws.

Move on to the housewares department. Here, for a dollar, you can get a whole set of steak knives. These are very sharp and they are good for the detailed work. For the rough work–get a bread knife. In the sewing department, you can pick up a sewing kit with all kinds of needles and different colored threads. This is handy for sewing the scalp back in place. You can also get a set of three different-sized scissors. Sometimes they come in handy. There! For 7 to 8 bucks, you can completely equip your operating room.

On TV, you see the operating room full of assistants. This is a total waste of space. If you really watch them, they are all just standing around doing nothing. In my home operating room, I have eliminated all of these unnecessary people. I do, however, engage the family dog to sit under my operating table to clean up the scraps.

You see how simple it is to do brain surgery at home? Anyone with a love of brain surgery can do it. I never read Grey’s Anatomy, although I did see a copy once. Very nice pictures but half of it was in Latin. Who wants to bother with all that! If you really want to be a brain surgeon, all you need is the desire and enthusiasm.

My prices are very reasonable since I don’t have all that stupid overhead.

ANYONE NEED TO HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR REMOVED? CALL ME. BR-54BRAIN

Next question! … and AMEN!

It was at LEAST one million degrees below zero. Eddie (Degarmo) and Dana (Key) were inside a phone booth looking through the yellow pages. Their old, clunker bus had made a really funny (bad funny) noise a few miles back, followed by an ever increasing odor inside the bus that had the smell of burning rubber combined with gasoline and, according to bass player Tommy Cathy, old barbecue Fritos.

Leave it to TC to be familiar with that one. But Eddie and Dana had a look of “Oh Crap! Here goes another coupla grand” on their faces.

Finally, Billy Wayne, the driver, said “Guys, we’re losing power fast. I’m pulling over before this dang thing blows up!”

The snow was everywhere. Dana saw the phone booth a hundred feet or so up the road. In the middle of nowhere, there was a PHONE BOOTH! That was not coincidence. These men had God, with a capital G, on their side. And I can prove it.

Eddie and Dana were on the fringe  in their field. They were going where no man had gone before. First, they were going to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, to do the first Christian Rock concert in that neck of the woods. AND, they were going to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan to play THE FIRST CHRISTIAN ROCK CONCERT in that neck of the woods. Almost every church big-wig, from Falwell to Falwell was calling them evil, imposters, scam artists, you name it. But These guys were for real. And this was,  the to borrow from the Blues Brothers, a mission from God.

In the booth, they got one mechanic who could fix their bus, but he was an hour away, and the truck that could tow the bus was another hour away, and they had to be on the stage in five hours. Wondering what to do, Eddie pointed to a phone number scratched onto the frozen aluminum in the booth and said,”Let’s call him”. With absolutely no idea who they were calling, not to mention absolutely nothing to lose, Dana dialed the number. A man picked up with the native “hahloo”, and Dana just started telling the guy the truth: They were broke down outside of Yorkton, going to play a gig tonight in Saskatoon, the guy to fix the bus MIGHT be there in 3 hours, then he had to FIX the bus, and did he know any one, since they had not even a clue as to where they were, ANYONE who could point them to a better direction

There was a long pause.. a really long pause. The stranger asked what number they were at, which, remarkably, was on the phone, and they gave him the number. “I’ll call you right back”.

After about seven minutes, the guy called back and asked where they were. All Dana could say was that they had just passed a silo that had something written on the side, the stranger remarked that they were only about five miles from him and he’ll be there soon. Dana looked at Eddie with an odd look and said” He’s coming here!”.

Thirty minutes later, four pick-up trucks and two cars pull up next to their bus, and the band dudes get off and there’s a big con-fab there on the side of highway X , and when it was all said and done, the four pick ups and two cars were going to take the band AND the gear the 300 miles to Saskatoon. And I promise you that is a true story. The gig was great. It was actually a miracle. PLUS, the kids LOVED Degarmo and Key. In a million light years this could never happen again to anyone.

Dana’s luck ran a little low Sunday, when he died from complications due to a blood clot. But I say a little low because he knew exactly where he was headed this time and he has told me in the past, and we made many records in the past, how at times he was kind of excited about the life after this life.

Although I bawled like a baby at hearing the news, it was more for his unreal family than for him. Dana, you are and always will be sorely missed. And because of you, I am convinced that we will meet again. I love you. Happy Trails, my friend. You really did it this time through.

Although we really know it wasn’t a recent development at all, it really, REALLY IS a lot different from the single our moms and dads started up way back in the olden days. In those days, pop music was just that. POPular music. An artist would think up a song, write it, record it, and put it out for us to buy. If we liked it, it became popular, and sold a bajillion zillion copies. Then, the popular artist would write another song, and put it out. If it also became popular, the men in the big cities would come around, snatch up the artist for their company’s big roster of popular artists, figuring they have a golden goose here. So THEY would release an ALBUM of his/her popular music, plus a few more that the listener could … enjoy. That was great! Except, I don’t know about you, but I could hardly ever afford a $12 album, and many times, the stuff I liked wasn’t available as a single. So … what’s a kid to do?

I could not get immediate satisfaction, unlike these kids today. Noooooo! I had to wait (WAIT?!?!) …wait until I had saved up enough ca$h to finally go get the album. But crap! I didn’t like every song, just two or maybe three tops. In fact, I got pretty good at playing D.J. because when my friends came over, I would only play those two or three songs, and that’s it! Een if my pals wanted to hear others, I RULED my musical domain with an iron fist.

Enter …. the new media.

Digital everything. Digital recording, digital CD, digital this, digital … heck, I bet they are thinking up digital shoe polish as we speak! A digital download, though, is how we get our music now, right? (I personally like the CD, and REALLY the 12″ vinyl) … But by and large, we get our music online. So doesn’t that mean we don’t have to buy an album ever again? I do believe it does mean that. AND that is precisely what the bulk of the world is doing. They hear a song or two, like them a lot, and download them from iTunes or CD Baby or Bob’s Record and Bait … in the end, they don’t buy a whole album. Period.

Enter the artist. He/she’s not stupid, (is he/she?) Why bother recording ten or twelve songs if, for the most part, only one or two will bring in some NLM dough? (No Laughing Matter) So, a lot of my work now is recording 2 or 3 songs on a weekend or weekend +, and in four to five days, we have product. Ready to upload and hit the globs.

But you know, as I grew older I really got into those ten or eleven songs. The artist could take me on a sonic safari for an hour almost, and I always came out on the other side a better, more edified listener. And many, many times, I ended up looking forward to the artist’s next record.

Is the entire experience slowly, or not slowly, going away? I will really be saddened if that experience goes away. I THINK I would end up in a much lessier place if that were the case. (Thanks to the Hatter for that line). And this one:

I don’t want to end up in a much lessier place. The Hatter knows there’s a lot to say about the much muchier place. We must hang onto the concept of the album of songs. If for no other reason, just so that “these kids today” can develop into better, more edified listeners. They may just wake up someday and be a little less into that instant gratification thing. And wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing.

Next question…